This week’s question left a little scar on our psyche. It reminded us of a bad moment in book history and provoked a spirited conversation about generosity or miserliness.
Simply, do you let people borrow books?
Do you let anyone, friends or lovers, borrow books? Or do you confine certain books to a mental cabinet of untouchables that no one but you is allowed to read?
Before lending a book do you note how friends or loved ones handle books, weighing whether they are trust worthy to borrow a work? Or are you a throw caution to wind lender, not worried at all about the state of the book upon return.
For the most part, the Boston Book Bums team are generous lenders, with a few being cautious. One however is a flat out book lending Scrooge.
Our eldest Book Bum had an experience back in High School where a friend was DYING to borrow a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The owner was a little hesitant to lend the book because the would-be reader wasn’t exactly the most voracious consumer of the printed page. Also, said would-be reader had a habit of being very messy. The idea of the beloved science fiction book buried under heaps or burger wrappers and empty soda cans was off putting.
Despite the concern, our lender handed over Hitchhiker’s. And then spring became summer, became fall and still the book wasn’t returned. After a few gentle proddings, the lender asked…”So…did you finish Hitchhikers?”
Reply, ” Uh, no. Couldn’t get into it. But it’s in my car if you want it back.”
With lip bit, lender nodded and the pair walked over to the friend’s jalopy. Door opens. Tension rises. Lender imagines a dusty but undisturbed book emerging from the glove box.
No, instead The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is PRIED from between the front seats. Wedged between the center console and the passenger seat, the great comedic novel emerges with torn cover, dozens of crumpled and folded pages; as well as a distinct and overwhelming odor of coffee. Yes, the book was soaked in Dunkin Donuts iced coffee somewhere along that long summer car ride.
That moment. That besmirched book was pivotal in making one of the Book Bums vow never to lend a book again. A vow he has stuck to ever since.
Al right, let’s hear it- Are you a one woman/man library or an alligator armed book lending miser?
I lend to people I trust – I have an ongoing “open library” policy with a friend of mine who reads 3x as voraciously as I do, and I lend back and forth with one or two other people, too.
But I’m also fiercely protective of my books – I don’t buy a lot of books (a habit leftover from when I was moving every 6mo or so and the boxes of books were just too much to manage), so the ones I have are the ones I want to keep for a long time, and want to keep pristine.
A number of my books have bookplates in the front inscribed with a classic medieval library curse. Just in case.
Ha! A library curse.
I’m going to sound stupidly snobby, but only with my ebooks. I have a nook so it’s pretty easy to lend things between units. With actual books my friends got fed up with my meticulous conditions and stopped asking. However, I’ll always give out copies my unpublished manuscript!
I do lend but do so with the knowledge that some of my books may never return. Some have; some haven’t.
Conversely, I’ve been lent books and never returned them…
“Conversely, I’ve been lent books and never returned them…” Too true…
Guilty as well…
Ok I actually feel for this person because I grew up learning to take care of my things and I think it’s inconsiderate to not do the same for others belongings. With the knowledge of how that person would have treated my book I would have said that someone else had borrowed it and I would lend it to them later then just never lend it to them. Because their intuition was right look at that poor book!
This is SO true! If people treated my blog the way they treated the books I’ve lent them, I’d have a password-secure site. And the screening process: Like applying for a car loan!
I only lend to those I trust, and only books I know I can replace if I don’t get back. Even then, I put my name in the cover in the vindictive hope of inspiring guilt whenever the keeper opens it.
Maybe I will put my name in my books… At least some of them. That’s a very good idea. I read so much, and anywhere, that if one got lost it would help me get it back again. But since when do I lose books? I’d be missing it sharply the second I put it down and forgot it… And since when do I actually put down a book that I’m reading? Almost never.
I used to lend my favorite books to friends who I thought might be interested in them. a handful of lost books and nearly destroyed friendships (what do you mean, you lost my Tim Powers???) later, now I am much more careful. If you are my GOOD friend, and I know you take care of your stuff, AND i’m feeling trusty, I’ll lend you a book.
That’s me too. I would be pretty upset if anyone lost or damaged a book I’d lent them. Still, I’m always flattered when someone asks to borrow one of my books, even though it doesn’t happen very often.
I think I would only feel comfortable lending a book to someone I know would take care of it and who I know would actually read it. I would probably put my name inside the front cover, too, so the person would know where to bring it back.
I don’t really have any fancy collection of books and I’m OK with lending. Once I’ve read something, I remember it so if the person who has been lent it takes long, it’s not an issue. I do dislike it though if I get books from the library and my sister starts reading first. She’ll take 2 weeks to finish a HP while I would finish it in half a day.
I recently asked to lend a book from a friend.
I’d gotten the first book of a series for her birthday. A year later I read that same book, from the library. Then I was panting for the sequel. I mentioned to her that, “It’ll be ages before the library gets the sequel.” (If ever.) Then she said, “I got the sequel for my birthday.”
She said she hadn’t read it yet, but she lent it to me anyway because I’d read the book in half a day and get it back to her within a week.
I have always believed books should be shared and I have always been free with all my books. The exception is The Calvin and Hobbes Collection. However, I now have a Kindle and can’t see myself lending that to anyone.
I had an experience similar to the one you described. I was in Junior High and a friend asked to borrow a book I absolutely LOVED. To make matters worse, the borrower was someone I had a crush on. He wasn’t messy and was very well mannered. My book should be ok in his hands, right? WRONG. When he returned the book to me it was twice its size – it bore the distinct look of a book that has been completely drenched in liquid and then dried. And there was a new color to the pages. Apparently, he had knocked a glass of chocolate milk onto my book. Thus, my strict no lending policy!!!
Whew!
I lent a book to my best friend about 20 years ago. She really USES books… I am not that way. I have a book from when I was in 4th grade – 1988 – that other than the pages being a bit yellow, looks brand new.
So, no, I can’t “lend” books out anymore. I either keep them, or I part with them. But I can’t lend.
I have some books I would never lend. The rest I lend, knowing that I may never see them again.
I used to lend my books to friends, relatives, and officemates. Especially since I would always encourage them to read books I just recently purchased and finished reading. However, since most of the books were either returned to me in a devastated state or sometimes years after it was lent, I made it a point to not lend anymore. I also keep mum about recent purchases. =)
I never lend my books to anyone (except my mum and sister, who I trust like myself). Once, when I was in my teens, I lent a book to a relative who returned it in a terrible state – apparently she thought it was ok to do that to paperbacks. Since then I’ve become smarter and stingier… The book wasn’t one of my favorites, but until that time it had never occurred to me that anyone would treat someone else’s property like that and not even apologize. It was a shock to me, but I suppose I should be grateful to have learned that lesson so comparatively early on.
I lend books with caution,and always remind them with a smile… “Hey, you fold the pages, I twist your neck. You spill coffee on my book and I’ll drown you. You tear even a tiny bit of it, and I’ll definitely bite your head off. Please give this back the way borrowed it.” I tell them this with a little bit of laughter, and kind of as a joke, but I think they take that seriously, because I’ve never had problems when they give it back. Hahaha. Plus, I don’t lend to someone who reads just to keep up with the trend. They’re dangerous.
Oh! These stories pierce my heart! I had a favorite, out-of-print copy of Phantastes by George MacDonald and lent it to a fellow book lover, who I trusted had the same feelings about caring for books (we had conversations about this very topic!). She returned it to me with the cover ripped off by her two-year-old and patched with masking tape. We’ve drifted apart…
I lend out books once in a while, but I’ve had many copies of those books lost for all time. I let a friend from an old job borrow my copy of Hitchhikers Guide and then he either quit or got fired and I never saw the book again. I had one of his books as well (The Sword of Truth, which I never finished) but was upset at not seeing my copy again. I had all 5 HH books of the same size, and since then I’ve never been able to find another copy of the first book the same size (the roughly 7inch by 4inch paperback) which irritates me greatly. I’ve also lost copies of Requiem for a Dream, the first three Xanth books (all in one volume, which I didn’t mind because I bought them individually in paperbacks which is how I have the rest of the series), and also a copy of the E-Myth Revisited. I’ve repurchased all of these books, and I didn’t mind doing so, but it was irritating to have to do so.
Have you read the poem, Lending Out Books by Hal Sirowitz? It’s one of my favorites: http://bit.ly/kaJ0HD
I AM A BOOK LENDING SCROOGE….. SO THERE GO SHOOT ME. I HATE LENDING BOOKS AND I THINK THAT MAYBE IT IS FOR THIS VERY REASON THAT SO MANY OF MY BOOKS WERE NEVER RETURNED TO ME.
MY LAST BAD EXPERIENCE WAS ABOUT A YEAR BACK AND I AM STILL SMARTING FROM IT.I MUST HAVE ASKED THE PERSON TO HIS FACE AND SMSED INNUMERABLY BUT IT DID NOT SEEM TO HAVE ANY EFFECT WHATSOEVER ON HIM. I DON’T THINK I’LL LEND A BOOK AGAIN.
Very interesting question! For me it depends on the book. There are some (mostly reference books) that never leave our house. Luckily, most of my family and friends feel the same way about their books, as I do about mine. So I know they’ll look after and return them. For most novels though, unless I really intend to read them again, I “gift” them to the person. They can either keep it, or when they’re finished pass it on.
When I read my books I open them very carefully so that the spine wouldn’t have wrinkles in it you’d think the book is still new. Anyway, when I lend out my books to really close friends and immediate family members, I demonstrate to them how I read books and I correct them everytime they hold my book that they say I might as well not lend them the book!
Almost lost me with the grammar but good post. Congrats on the FP
That depends on the book, and the lendee. Like others, I’m cautious of lending out books that I’d be upset if I don’t get back, and will only lend to people I trust to return them.
That being said, I have lent my all time favorite book out, (William Goldman “The Gondoliers”, a feat made even more daring by the fact that the ONLY time I’ve ever seen it in a bookstore was when I bought it, and even then it was the only copy) and had it returned safely, only to discover that the lendee didn’t think it was nearly as wonderful as I did. How dare she have completely different taste in literature than I do?!
And now, I’m all paranoid about the books on my shelves that have…previous owners that may or may not be expecting them back.
I’m also one of those people who’s a bit hard on books, but I’m careful when reading something that belongs to someone else. On the flip side, I’m not devastated when something I’ve let out comes back in less than pristine condition. The question of lending comes down a)how badly I want to share the book, and b) how much I trust the person to return it. Condition is less of an issue. I’d rather get a beat-up copy of a book the lendee loved back than a pristine copy of something they were ambivalent about.
I am kind of nuts when it comes to the condition of my books – I’m that person who can read an 1,100-page paperback without putting a crease in the spine. so when I loaned one of my beloved Jude Deveraux paperbacks to a friend, and it came back looking like it had been run over by a truck, I almost cried, and I never loaned out a personal book again if I had any kind of attachment to it.
However, I now work at a public library, and loan those books out all the time.
I like to lend out books to my young sister and parents, but they rarely show any interest to read any of my books. In short, I keep my books to myself but spread the knowledge.
I lend to people I trust. People find it mean, but I’m really hesitant to lend my books to people who I know won’t take the best care of it.
Even worse is when they give it back in bad condition, having never even read it.
Damn, you caught me. I HATE lending books. I fear for the safety of my books and the condition in which they are returned. I have Booklendophobia. Our university has a pretty well stocked library. Whenever someone asks me for a book, I’ll take them there, find the book, check it out and give it to them. Or the next thing you know, I’m buying them the book as a birthday gift.
Smart, eh?
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! Always fun to find fellow book lovers here on WordPress!
As long as I was done reading a book or wasn’t keeping it for information purposes I don’t see the harm in a book MIA. What would bother me is that person not having any respect for you or your personal property that you have willingly trusted them with. To answere the question to lend or not to lend? I would be more than happy not to lend a book to someone. =) But in hind site. It’s just paper.
I will only lend my books to certain people who are as careful with their books as I am with mine. Not all people understand how annoying it could be to have cookie crumbs in between the pages, to have books bent out of shape, etc. So other than ruin my friendships with this group of people (who I will either be upset with, lose respect for or both), I will only lend my books to my like-minded friends and relatives.
I’m started to keep my own books.. I bought the Twilight Sage set when it came out ($90! … and yes, I WAS a Twilight fan a few years back). I reread them all and left them in great conditions until a friend wanted to borrow them.. I trusted her since she enjoys reading but when I got it back there was coffee stains (or some food stains) and some pages were bent and ripped. I never touched that book (I believe it was Breaking Dawn) again. A few weeks later I lent it to another friend whom I trust very much with books since she’s a fanatic and she returned it back to me without any problems.. finally, another friend borrowed it and she’s a die-hard Twilight fan.. she lost the book within her own house.
I love my books (despite it being Twilight) but after that.. lesson learned on lending my books. Now I don’t know what to do with the remainders of the set.. :/
Before I didn’t mind lending out books. I event let someone borrow my favorite books, but they never returned it after that i never let anyone touch or borrow my books or any other of my favorite stuff
I tend to only lend to people I really trust. Books are precious and should be treated with respect. Each book I own is connected to a memory of some kind so hence I am rather sentimental about them.
After a few bad experienced I developed a 2 track library system: one side with strict rules for graphic novels, first print books, and treasured classics and the other for casually purchased or non-first print used books. This system works pretty well for me and I keep a careful accounting of ALL outgoing and incoming books in my personal library ledger.
Funnily enough I actually have one book that I openly encourage people to write in. It’s my copy of On The Road which I made some notes in a few years back (for life, not for a class) and it just happened to take root. My friend saw the notes and decided to join the fray. Now the book is marked up with the thoughts of past readers and it seems to reflect the book’s spirit quite nicely.
Yes I lend my books, but do not lend my cup of Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee, that’s not happening!
Congrats on being Freshly Lent..I mean Freshly Pressed.
Blessings,
Ava
xox
I don’t let people borrow my books. My books are like little pieces of my heart. I would be devastated if someone borrows my books and never return them or if they somehow damage them.
I have to say no, I don’t lend out my books. If there is something I’ve read that I believe a friend would enjoy, I’ll purchase it for that person if it’s still in print. Otherwise, no way, no how. Horror story with a happy [looooong] ending: many, many moons ago I allowed a close, trusted, friend borrow a copy of When Rainclouds Gather by Bessie Head. Never, ever got it back. Out of print. Needless to say I was devastated!! Truly. So fast forward about ten years, seriously, ten years, I happen upon a used bookstore and lo and behold, When Rainclouds Gather!!!! And get this, it was like $3 or something. Now, if only I could find where I stashed it…
If this was Facebook your comment would get a like!
Like others have said, I lend most books but not all, and only the ones I could stand not getting back. When I was teaching, I had a shelf in my office to loan/give to my students–those I loved to not get back!
Its fine to lend but i will ask to give me back after maximum 3 month..time enough to read.. Baby Massage
Do I let people borrow my books? Yes. Does it always turn out well? No. I run into two different problems. The first one being that often they’ll have the book for a LIFETIME and/or not return it. The second problem is that often I’ll forget myself that I let them borrow the book in the first place!
I guess, out of sight out of mind. Maybe the books I’ve lost needed a new owner anyways. lol
That is so true about forgetting that you lent it out. Sometimes I go crazy looking for a book and the only thing nowadays that stops me from trying to remember who I may have lent it to is the fact that I no longer lend books. But I can vividly recall those moments when after a couple days of looking for a particular book that I suddenly remembered that someone else had it.
Mmm, I don’t really mind lending out books and I must confess I am not that prudent with my own books (ofcourse I am with other peoples books). I just think a wrinkle here and there, some stains, … it adds life to a book, gives it something extra, a surplus. A book for me is not only about the story in it, but also about the circumstances I have read it in, what I was thinking, feeling, doing then – and its scars reminds me of that – just as wrinkles and scars on a persons face bring out the life of that person.
I lend books only if I could afford to lose them (Like books I don’t like or books that I have double copies). Otherwise the UK libraries are well stock and books prices are less than a meal in the restaurant, so I’ll encourage other people to go borrow or buy, if I don’t have the book. Or I could offer to get a used copy (for a pittance) if I find one.
I think that’s the best thing to do.
With buying money is (usually) not the problem (except with collector’s really rare books that I want but are $179, or something). Money is not the problem. Bookshelf space is he problem. Right now, I have to rearrange and rearrange and scrimp and place books I don’t need on other shelves to get everything to fit.
And still there are books piled on top of rows of other books!
Most of my books are temporary guests in my bookshelf. They are borrowed or obtained on an exchange site. If they are from the exchange site, I can decide, if I wish to keep the book or will offer it to the group again, which I usually do.
Members of the exchange group have learned to describe the condition of a book in painstaking detail, because many of them treasure their books very much, some are collectors and they’ll not just get anything.
That taught me to evaluate how others treat books, my books, if I let them borrow any. That’s why I will happily lend to some, but certainly not to everyone.
well that story is enough to turn anyone off lending! For me it depends on who is asking to borrow. I used to be quite generous as to who I lent to but over time there are certain books I was quite fond of that have never found their way home. So now I generally only lend to close family who I know respect my belongings and most importantly respect the book. My husband’s pet peeve on the other hand is people stealing or not returning his cds!
I lend out my books all the time. I don’t really mind them having a ‘lived in’ look. Although I admit I do get disappointed if people don’t return my books. I let somebody have a set of three books recently (which I hadn’t actually read) – and when they finished reading them they give them away! I confess that was a bit of a shock, but, I’ll still let people read my books – I really love it when I recommend a book to somebody and they enjoy it – it gives me a kick! Plus I have a sort of network of book loving friends and we do all exchange books with each other – this way I don’t have to purchase every single book I read (which could become very expensive). Then, if I find I really enjoyed a particular book I then go and buy it and add to my collection. Simples!!
Thanks for your post. Interesting comments.
Lynn
I do lend out to my friends and family, but really only if know they will read it and I can trust them. Although this judgement isn’t always that good. I let a friend borrow “Youth in Revolt” since we went to see the movie when it came out and I have yet to see it. I also haven’t really hung out with said friend in quite some time. I’ve lost a few good books this way, which is why I’m pretty cautious now.
I have a few friends I happily lend to – recently lightened up on my rule that I had to have read the book first, given the rate he goes through them! My worst-case scenario is people who very happily lend me books, but aren’t worried about getting them back: how to make it clear to them that I *do* want mine back, since I’m left feeling I should reciprocate!
Not to lend. A book is also a decoration item for me. I can read a book and give it back to the shop and they won’t notice any difference. I don’t think anyone can do this, so I don’t lend books. My personal library is my personal sanctuary. Hate me, it’s comprehensible.
I do lend out books to most people. I’m not concerned with the appearance of the book, but take the very best care of books that are borrowed to me. In my little community, books are labeled with return address stickers so it doesn’t become lost in the stages of borrowing. So yes, I lend.
Sounds like a really great community!
I lend books occasionally however I do so with the realization that I may never see the book again. Sometimes I’ll even buy two or more copies of the book so that I can pass it on to friends that I think will enjoy the read.
Well its really a weird scenario to ignore someone a book that i own. I generally lend it keeping few deadlines or most of the times..i would not have gone through it completely and i would need it the following week or so. But i am bad at asking books from others as i hate to be denied.
I have started to make a list of books that I lend out. Each friend is only entitled to one book at a time.
The stories I could tell about borrowing books… One of my friends has several of my books for over a year already and gently reminding her of it doesn’t help. On one visit to her house I even discovered that she is using my books as a “mat” for her Christmas decoration. How rude is that? I couldn’t say anything. It was just too much. And still she is asking me for more. I am desperately searching for excuses because I cannot bring myself to tell her that I don’t want to borrow her any more.
I think you should make rules that are the same for all your friends borrowing books. That way if you tell this friend for example that she can’t borrow any more books without returning the old ones or that can only borrow a few books at a time then she shouldn’t take it personally since those are the same conditions you place for all borrowers.
I’m a librarian and take great pride in lending books…the more times a book circulates, the happier I am. As for personal books, they are often lent and even given away. The written word is to shared. Why else would anyone sit alone in front of a computer and peck away?
Like this comment!
I love this post because I don’t feel so alone, anymore! If someone asks to borrow a book, I buy them their own copy, so that mine stay put–on my shelf; and I’ve also wondered if I’m a book-hoarder…
I’ve made it easy on myself. I just expect the book may never be returned to spare myself the anxiety. LOL
I collect books, so…No to lending. All of my books have a special place in my…head? I’d just feel like my books were being treated unkindly by others.
I don’t mind lending books, depending on who the person is that I am lending to. If the person I am lending to is known to lose things, or can’t keep things in a proper state, then I get very apprehensive about lending them a treasured book of mine. However…if this person is a close friend of mine it becomes very hard to say no
Def. a catch 22!
I quit lending, because I found too many people don’t even bother to read what they were anxious to borrow. When I lend someone a book, I assume they have some interest in reading it in less than a two-year timeframe!
Plus, too many people confuse “lending” with “giving”!
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, too!
I use to lend out my books when I was in Middle and High School. I don’t really do that now because I don’t any friends who read the same genre’s as I do(or just haven’t found them yet).
In High School I use to lend out my Manga graphic novels to my close friend who always brought them back unscathed.
But my biggest mistake was lending them to a I girl I use to know when I was on a bowling team. She was horrible when she had my books because she gave them what I call the “Extreme Yoga” treatment. She would go to a page and bend back the all of the front pages she already read. It not only left a deep crease on the front cover but when I tried to close the book those pages that she bent back would stand up. She did this with two of my other books which split in the middle because of the stress.
I wouldn’t lend out my rare books to just anyone but other than that I tend to be pretty generous. I mean if a soft cover novel that is still in store or othervice obtaiable what is the big deal if it gets lost?
I lend books, like to all people I know. I find it ok risking a book to a person for the first time, I have never had that bad a scenario. Although I am clumsy myself at keeping books, but never ever I have shadowed it on the books I borrow.
I’m definitely one of “those”; I hate lending books, and I’m actually reluctant to borrow books too. I guess it’s the conscience at work.
I’m the Veruca Salt of book lending. I need to read every book first so that as soon as I’m done I can write full-essays (much like I DIDN’T do throughout college) on the books to my friends outlining which books they should read. I guess this is my rapture day confession. And then, if I lend someone a book, I expect them to take at max a week to read it and then hand it back to me, fully polished (with the amount of effort a DC Train Station shoe polisher would take to clean a book) and without any of my notes or stickies replaced, scratched out or just gone. BLEH!
I lend books to people who treat their books as I do – or better. I did lend a book to a “paperbacks are supposed to be used, scribbled in and passed on” friend once but didn’t care much for the result.
Like many other people above I have some favourite books I would not readily lend, but have done to trusted people. I can always buy another copy if it doesn’t come back. However virtually all my books are reference books and I keep referring to them so perhaps it makes a difference compared to fiction.
If I know I can deal with it possibly never being returned, I’ll lend it out. Otherwise, forget it. I sometimes to back to read an old favorite again and would be disappointed if it wasn’t there.
Not anymore I don’t. I never had someone destroy a book I lent them. At least, I don’t think so — because I never got them back. People are thieves. Nowdays, if they are interested in a book, I tell them the title and author and where to go to get it online.
I’ll only lend books to people if I know their reading habits. If they are the type to dog-ear pages, lick their fingers to turn pages, or place an open book page side down because they are too lazy to grab a darn bookmark…then hell to the no I will not lend them my books.
oooh great topic!
if i finish a book and know it’s something i won’t reread or am not attached to, i give it away to friends so they can pass it on as well, or donate it to the library.
if it’s something i definitely want to keep but am not concerned about the condition of its return, i’ll loan to people i Know will give it back, regardless of their treatment of it.
if it’s a book i want to keep AND want to keep in good condition, there are only 2 people i will loan it to: a friend whom i know has as much respect for books as i do, and my mom.
I stopped lending books after I found one of my missing books for sale in a used book store. I had to re-purchase my own book, despite that my name was handwritten inside the cover. Never lending a book again.
I am a book lending scrooge, I love each and everyone of my books and I don’t ever lend them out. Not to anyone. Every time in the past when I’ve done it I’ve been horribly burned… I’m a bit OCD about the care of my books and most people just aren’t as careful….
Does this make me a bad person?
I honestly don’t think so…..
My advice: only lend to the eagerest borrower. The worst tragedy is not a damaged book, but one that sits idly in another home. I’ve only regretted lending to people that I’m forcing my favorite reads on. If they recieve your suggestion with an uncertain smile and limited eye-contact, you should withdraw the offer, or deftly change the subject and “forget” to give them the book. Their anatomy is hinting at how unready they are. They will be thankful not to carry the shameful reminder of what they haven’t read.
I will lend most (but not all) of my books. Sometimes I offer a book to somebody that I think will enjoy it, as I like to share the pleasure of reading.
However, I never ask to borrow a book, and if offered a book I usually decline. I do not enjoy the responsibility of having another person’s book, and I do not enjoy having to read books out of social duty.
I lend to very few people. It’s just like you said, the idea of my book being on someone’s table right next to an open soda can and a bowl of chips and dip gives me nightmares. I do not lend unless I know that the person is at least somewhat conscientious about book care: especially caring for other peoples’ books. It is atrocious what some people would do others’ books. My policy is not to advertise ownership of any particular book lest someone asks to borrow it!
I only lend to those who i trust will return my book back to me in the condition it left. There are a couple of people who i swap books with and there are always some great surprises!
There are a couple of books i lent out in my teens that i am still to get back – the hope is lost and new copies bought, those people however are in the black book!
To lend books helps others to read, but it s important to read them before, in case…
I lend. But only to my close friend, who I know is an avid reader and takes good care of books. She lends me hers too. With our favorites, we give specific orders. heheh
I guess i’m a little bit of a scrooge. But can you blame me? I hate seeing my books all dogged ears, and messy. Even the ones I buy from the thrift are in great condition.
I’l lend out books to friends. I’ll make sure to note down who I lent it to and when so that I will remember why that book isn’t in my house if I happen to look for it.
For books that are lent I’ll tape down a post-it with my information to the cover so that the lender doesn’t forget that they borrowed it from me.
I do lend books to friends but only to those who I know will take good care of it and whom I have asked to swear to return the book in its exact condition.
I tend to TRADE, not lend. My friends and I trade books with each other often. I’m not really one for holding on to my books after I’ve read them, I like to pass them on as I pick up new ones.
I give books away as soon as I am finished reading them, with the condition that they pass on the book when they are finished. Life is way too short to hoard books (how often do you really re-read your books?). One way to make this special is to write your first name, city and the date you finished the book on the inside cover. It’s really amazing to get a book from someone that has many names and locations, spanning generations.
Booklending…Gosh, you’re right, it’s a big question. Like one of your previous commentors, I’ve found a nomadic lifestyle has forced me to trim my book collecting. The transatlantic move helped trim the number of people who borrow my books too, though. I’ve lost books to friends and just lost books, but it’s rare that the book itself is too valuable. I’ve had four copies of “Hitchiker’s” for example, loved ‘em all, and will probably buy an electronic copy when I go Kindle (or Nook, or Freebozapper…) Mrs Dim lent a copy of…oh, I don’t know, “Beau Geste” or “Pride and Prejudice” to a friend at work, and the lady wouldn’t take it. It WAS an old, leatherbound copy, and maybe to her Canadian eyes it looked like an heirloom, but it was just a book. Beautiful, yes, worth reading, yes. Valuable? Maybe. But we were happy to lend it.
I’ve long dreamed of starting an “Old NE Book Exchange.” Granted, as you mention in the third paragraph, not ALL my books would be included. Instead I’ve envisioned as having a meeting where everyone brings the books they’re willing to, in the worst case, lose.
‘Cuz in the end, they’re just books and thus, easily replaceable. It would mainly be my out-of-print, indie press books I’m protective over. Though, thinking back, I have loaned out my copy of Bob Black’s “The Abolition of Work and Other Essays.”
OMG, poor book. Reading thast was like watching some blood curdling horror movie…it was awful. I hate lending books out, my ex sis in law used books as coffee mats and alsorts and I had them returned smelling of pee (she left them beside her guest toilet.) And I hate not having books returned, it breaks my heart if someone looses one or forgets where it went or even lends it to someone else. SO now I never lend. If someone wants one of my books that badly, they pay me!
I’m not a lender. I’ll lend a book to my mom because she knows how I am (although, with her in CO and me in SC, any books we send to and fro are usually not intended for return), but I don’t lend to friends, co-workers, etc.
Even as a child, I’ve always been the type to read a book so carefully that it still looked brand new after I was finished. None of this corner-folding to mark a page, no breaking of the spine to allow a book to lie flat, no curling back the pages to hold it with one hand – all of that gives me anxiety just to think about!
I’ve become a little looser with these guidelines as I’ve aged; not because I care less, but because I’ve recognized the charm in a book that has truly been devoured by the reader. Reference materials with creased spines, dog-eared corners and [gasp!] highlighter markings are often evidence of a well-loved and properly used book. Even still, *I* want to be the one doing the devouring, not someone I’ve lent the book to.
With the introduction of the Kindle, lending books becomes less of a “threat” since it’s easy enough to register multiple devices to one account and share books that way. But for my hard-copy books, I’ll stick to my no-lending policy.
By lending out, I’ve lost so many greatly cherished books, books that I re-read again, and again.
As I age, I only now lend to people who live close by, who I can walk to and get my book back. Books that I greatly cherish, I buy copies for family and friends, and hope they will find in their pages what I have found.
No really good book can only be read once, I’ve always thought. Apparently Hemingway and D.H.Lawrence, I’ve found, thought the same way.
Nice articles Bro… I’ll keep my book just for me and my beloved family and friend. Not because the price, but the struggle to get it : how hard we can collect money, How difficult to seek it, or maybe the hidden meaning of the book (is given by our girl friend and so on). Always there is story behind our book and just certain people will understand about its meaning for the owner. Tks : )
Lol.. my grandpa has a whole personal library that no one is allowed to borrow anything from unless he personally gives you the book (after much thought) and tells you to read it quickly and return it quickly… God Bless Him..
I’m a high school teacher of senior English with a penchant for books that the kids aren’t really supposed to read – you know, the Catcher in the Rye’s, the Slaughterhouse Five’s, the Londonstani’s and so on. My students have caught on that the best books in the school are in my personal library and they also know that I want them to read books in which they’re actually interested. So, yeah, I lend out my own books.
What that’s meant is that I have invested in innumerable copies of Catcher because they often don’t get returned. I learned my lesson, though, and now buy as many “loaner” copies from the local used bookstores.
I know that someone’s enjoying the book, somewhere, and that’s a really good thing.
NO! I don’t lend books to anyone who’s abused my property in the past or never returned the object or worse—money. I don’t like lending anything because chances are you won’t get it back without a contract. Unless it’s family I see a lot, because I can get it myself then while I visit.
My mother, my daughter and I all have similar taste in books. So when one of us purchases a book it makes the rounds of that circuit fairly quick. Once that is done the books go to my mothers house because she has a library room (although that too is getting overfilled).
Every once in a while I lend to someone else, if I’m fairly certain I can trust them and the book is not irreplaceable. I figure as much as I love books, I love my friends even more.
http://readgreatfiction.wordpress.com
I am a library. People can borrow anything at any time. Unfortunately, I’m not the best at keeping track of if my books are borrowed – and this has led to a few disappearing books here and there. It’s a bummer, but I just don’t have the heart to keep them to myself.
I, like many others who have commented, am selective in who I lend books to. If I have a book in my little collection, it means that I have it because it is one that I like. In turn, when someone lends me a book, I treat it as I would my own and I return it in the same condition in which it was lent to me. I don’t lend to those I don’t trust.
I lend books to those whom i trust will return to me on time and good condition
I rarely let anyone borrow anything of mine. I wouldn’t let anyone borrow books from me simply because some people don’t know how to take care of other people’s property.
I am a hesitant lender, and only after I note how a person handles books. Or I have one of theirs.
I don’t really have that many books to lend to others, because I tend to borrow books (from the public library)!
I don’t see the point of keeping a lot of books (I don’t have a lot of space, and I usually don’t read a book twice). I tend to be very careful with borrowed books since I hate getting a dirty/damaged public library book, but especially careful with books from friends, because I think this is a trust that, once violated, will be lost forever.
Whenever someone asks me if they can borrow a book, my chest seizes up and throat goes dry. I can’t handle the thought of someone cracking the spine or folding down the corner of a page. If its a used book, I worry they won’t take care of it because it’s already worn. Only the most trusted individuals (there are only two), are allowed to borrow the occasional book. Maybe I’m a bit eccentric, but it feels like a duty to care for such precious treasure. Books are delicate and should be treated as such. There’s no way I’ll let a page folding, spine cracking, coffee spilling baffoon anywhere near one of my books.
It depends on the book.
I have a book printed in 1954 that I love. It’s needs to be handled very delicately as the pages are brittle; this means that no, I wouldn’t let even my mother borrow it (and yes, she does take care of her books).
On the other hand, if the other person is a reader, then I don’t mind lending, WITH the lecture of how to treat it or the general passive-aggressive sentence: I-hope-this-comes-back-in-the-same-condition-it-left-in.
Due to a ‘friend’ of mine borrowing a much loved book, then dropping in a rain puddle (accidents happen, I know), but then refusing to purchase another since the cover was too soft and tearing; no, I don’t lend to people who are either slobs or non-readers.
Ah the old one woman library or alligator miser question? I used to be funny about people borrowing my books and yet I love sharing. Then I realised that I actually hated lending books from other people – hated the pressure of having to have something read by a certain time (slow reader) and I’m very touchy feely with my books so another pressure. To fulfill my philanthropic duties I kind of stopped lending. But now, at this stage in my life I realise I don’t actually have to keep so many books – in fact I am in the middle of purging which has turned out to be very symbolic (I feel lighter!). Possibly an age thing, as you get older you realise less really is more. Books anyone? Great post and congrats on being freshly pressed.
Some books I could understand being treated like that. But Hitchhiker’s? That’s just heresy. Whoever did that should be shot.
No, I’m joking. Personally, I only lend books to my close friends. If it’s a paperback, or it’s someone I know to be a bit clumsy, I’ll put a plastic cover on like they get in libraries, since I have a couple. It won’t save it from destruction but it will help. Hardbacks just have to live. A lot of my favourite books are the most battered …. after a while, you get used to the pages falling out.
It’s fine until you start reading it in the bath!
I often lend my book to friends, but mostly lost in time. so sad
I don’t lend books. But I give. My friends aren’t really tidy. So, once they’ve convinced me to let them borrow my books, it’s as good as gone.
I am a Very Odd Reader, it seems. I read 2-3 books a week, and I experience physical anxiety if I don’t have anything in my “To Be Read” stack. However, I do not have shelves full of books in my house. I lend books the same way I lend money…under the assumption that I will never, ever get it back. It takes the stress off everyone involved. (I do, however, remember those who never pay money back.)
I lend books. But not just to ANYONE.
I had a bad experience lending my beloved Harry Potter (HBP AND DH, both, and just from lending them to one single culprit). My HBP was a pirated copy, plus I really want people I know to read HP.. so I didn’t mind lending it to this person. He didn’t return it.. for almost an year! When he finished it, he wanted the DH ..so he returned HBP in exchange for DH. And he gave me my DH back after a LOT of time, only for me to see with one page lost. The worst day of my life.
But for some reason that hasn’t stopped me from lending books, albeit a little more cautiously.
It depends. I lent my copy of Good Omens to an old boyfriend once. We broke up, and I hounded him for two months to get it back. It was in good shape–nothing like some of the horror stories here–but he’d written in it IN PEN. Still makes me grind my teeth…
Nowadays, I lend to people who I know to be fast and active readers, or to people who I know will be in my life for a long time (my fiance, for example, has open access to my library. My co-workers do not).
My dad always taught me not to lend out books that I truly want the borrower to return to me. Of course, I had to test his theory and in doing so, lost two valuable (at least to me) books when I was a teenager. I don’t ever lend out books nowadays. If I read a book that I really love and feel compelled to share with others, I buy an inexpensive soft cover version and “lend” that out. If I get it back, I can lend it again, if I don’t — no hard feelings.
Samantha
I do lend but only to those about whom I’m sure that they’ll take extra care about it…and there aren’t many people like this:(
I do both– I lend things that I’m not crucially concerned about getting back–paperbacks, unfavorite novels, random purchases that I still haven’t gotten around to reading. If it’s a favorite, it’s only going to someone I can trust and whom I know well enough to pester constantly after it hits the ’10 day away mark’. And if I’m using it for research or planning to reread it in the next six months, there is absolutely no way that book is leaving my house.
I never lend out books, mostly because nobody asks – all of my friends either consume novels as greedily as I do, or we’re not interested in the same stuff. The trouble I had was when back at home: my dad and I have a lot of tastes in common so he took a lot of books out of my room whenever I brought any back, and he DESTROYED them. Bent covers, broken spines, dust when he’d left them in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom) for ages after finishing them… Now, whenever I see him with one of my books I watch him like a hawk, and if the spine goes even a degree too far back I scream ‘SPINE’ and he quickly puts himself back into check. My mother gets a lot of enjoyment out of it I think, haha.
Usually you can learn a lot about people when lending out stuff. Trust for example. I guess, we all made some experiences with people, we thought to be our friends
If i read the book then i give it to whoever, though not alot of my friends want to borrow my books cause well they dont really read lol. only a few.
can you read my blog?
http://superstarme411.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/ways-to-get-kicked-out-of-walmart/
I just recently let someone borrow two books of mine…now I’m a little worried.
In high school, I would let pretty much any of my friends borrow my books, but then one friend sent back my copy of Eragon without the cover flap and that same friend’s mother spilled tea all over a copy of one of my other book’s. I pretty much stopped lending after that. The only person who gets to read my books now are my cousins. They’re the only ones I can trust, lol.
Uff, I’m one of the cautious ones. Normally, I lend if I know if I know it’s someone who’ll give it back in a decent condition, but I’m more likely to give the book away and never expect to see it again.
On the other hand, I’m not a good book borrower and I much prefer to have my own copy.
I lend. But only if it is someone I trust, some one who I know will be careful. I have only ever lost a lent book once, it was one I wasn’t attached to, and had gotten from the thrift store, and it wasn’t my friend’s fault it was lost. So I still lend books. If it is one I am attached too, I give specific instructions not to damage, crack the spine, be careful with the cover, etc. You can never be too careful with my precious collection.
I never lend books. I’m religious about my library, for the reason that I love to read my very favourite books over and over again, and want to keep them in perfect condition, with only the natural wear and tear of my own careful reading. My most beloved book is falling apart, but that shows that I love it. If I lent out a book, it would never feel like mine again. However, when I have the urge to bestow the gift of a book on someone, not as a present, but the gift of having read that book as part of their life, I give my copy away and buy a new one. This mainly happens with my sister, for the reason that we love the same things, and I like to educate her and steer her towards things I think she will enjoy and benefit from.
I’m so religious about my books that I often own two copies of the same book, so that I have one to get battered and torn and read and devoured, and another to look pristine on my shelf.
Vikki Littlemore
vikkilittlemore.wordpress.com
I will lend books but i don’t lend cds because then i’ll either never get them back or they’re damaged when i do get them back…people just don’t take care of other peoples stuff anymore it seems
In the past and now, no I rarely lend out my books. I just haven’t offered to my friends. I just don’t think of it because I don’t expect them to have same reading tastes as mine. To family members have occasionally.
I don’t want the hassle of tracking where my books went.
And I am a real librarian by formal training and also in a large part of my career. (But not a public librarian, just corporate, govn’t.) I disliked the hassle of recalling books back, other things interested me more –admittedly.
I do lend, but only to my sister, my mum and my three closest friends. No one else. I once lent a fairly expensive book of piano music to a friend when I was at school, and it came back having been chewed on my mice in her garage and with pages missing. It’s a good job the friend had quite a few redeeming features.
Call me tight arsed, call me anal. I do NOT lend books.I will give them away, freely. But I do not wish to receive that back which other people will, inevitably, defile. People have disgusting habits. And I mean disgusting.
I’d rather buy several copies if I feel need to share my taste in a particular reading matter. Which – on the whole – I don’t.
One of my friends, wife of my son’s father, American, will not borrow a book from anyone – on principle. Good on her. She mostly reads in the bath. See above.
U
If i bought it or was given it, its mine and i dont like lending my books out! My mum loans me hers as she buys loads and shares with her friends, but if she borrows mine, i want it back!
As for friends, i lent my mate my copy of Jane Eyre during 6th form…. i got it back eventually 5 years later! Its not my favourite book but i’m really possessive!
After a letting various friends borrow my favorite Chuck P. book I will perhaps never be able to part ways with my books. Like the Book Bum who received his book with malignant stains and odors of a careless handler, I too received my book in the same state. After flipping through my book I found dirt stains and bent pages! After this I cannot let anyone borrow my books. I know sometimes people get careless or accidents happen, but when its not you book or item have some respect for the other person and the fact that they are trusting you with it.
No one should be doing that to any book, but especially a Palanhiuk!
I lend occasionally, but I’ve had books damaged and books never returned at all. So, it is very difficult to let someone borrow.
Depends. My history books, especially WWII and Civil War books, never get lent further than family. I make them sign a card with the name of the book on it, agreeing to return the book.
Other books, I treat like money. I never lend money that I won’t miss. I weigh whether I will be okay if the book never comes back. If I am okay with that, then I lend them the book.
I have always returned books. Mainly because I love books and I bet there are others that love them as much as I do. (Nothing better than the smell of a new book.) Maybe the person that lent me the book is one of those people. Maybe I will want to borrow another book from them. You never know.
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.
I seldom read books more than once if they are not manuals like rule books or cookbooks or craft books or the Bible, so I share everything else without expecting them to be returned. Sometimes I even tell borrowers to pass the books on when they are through. If I had attempted to cage all the books that I’ve read in my lifetime, I’d have real problems today with storage and dust mites. I think that books, like birds, are happiest when they are on the wing.
Cheers!
knowledge shared no matter what the consequence.
This is a tough one. I love to share my reading tastes and the experience of reading a good book…..but it seems that even the best of reading friends are not necessarily the best returners of treasured books. I can still think of books lent to good friends of years ago – the books have vanished and so have the friends.
When I lend out books, my policy is that if it’s a hardback it must be returned in excellent condition. If it’s messed up in any way then the borrower must purchase another copy of the book for me. I’m a little more lenient with paperbacks, but if the paperback book is submerged in water, food, or if it’s torn up then a they must buy me a replacement. So far it’s worked out well. I’ve had one replacement bought for me after hot chocolate was spilled on the book.
I am very anal about my books. To me, they represent a large investment in my life. I find most people don’t care. Nothing would tick me off more then to lend out a book and get it back dogeared, stained, torn pages, wrote in, etc. That or they didn’t get returned at all. These days I don’t lend them out to anyone.
I’m a lender, mainly because I have a thing about reading second hand books- love the scent and feel of a crisp, new book- and left the one book I borrowed from a friend as a kid on a plane by mistake but only to people I trust will take very good care of it.
I’m amazed at how irresponsible some people can be with borrowed items though, especially when they rip recipes out of food magazines from the public library!
I agree. I subscribe to the philosophy that when lending, whether it be books, clothes or money, assume you will not get the item back. This way, I don’t lend anything that is irreplaceable, and I don’t create any animosity of negative emotions towards the borrower. Rather, I enjoy a pleasant surprise when the book or other item is returned (as it usually is).
That being said, there are some books that I refuse to lend, due to their delicate condition, or some other emotional attachment.
Interesting. I gave one of my nieces the very same advice when she was amazed at how freely I gave her a couple of my gemstone stretchy bracelets.
AmberLena
I told her “The key in life is to never give away anything you are not truly willing to part with. And the other side of that is to always be willing to give up anything you have, because that is the only way you can make room for more.”
I love kids! They are so great at helpiong us see things simply!
I agree. But still, it’s always nice to get things back.
Intriguing topic and a great example to follow in kind. The only time I ever lent a book out was to my best friend from grade school.
We were seniors in high school at the time and she borrowed my copy of ‘Wicked’ by Gregory Maguire. I wasn’t finished with it yet, but she was a Broadway buff and eager. I recognized that she was a bit disorganized, but figured she would give it back in good condition. Conveniently, I forgot about the time she forgot that she had a hamster and it starved to DEATH.
The book was returned a week later with the front cover loose and falling off, many pages bent, and a mysterious stain in the shape of a mug bottom on the front. She felt bad and gave me a couple of Charlotte Bronte books I still haven’t read to date, a little shy of ten years later.
Definitely! I’ve been burned too many times, with that!
During the Gulf War, a friend(?) of mine in the National Guard was drafted. I lent him “Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Stories to be Read with the Lights on”, and he lost it in Kuwait! That was one of my favorite books, and it’s been out of print for a long time, now! I don’t miss him a bit, but I damned sure miss that book!
Nice post!!!
Now how I just realize how dangerous lending a book is. Usually I lend it to people who have the same taste with me, but now I just remember some of them haven’t yet return the book. I should contact them now.
I used to loan my books out to any family or friend who asked. And then most of these books were returned to me in such a shabby condition I could never look at the person in the same way again. Either that, or they forget to return. I have the memory of an elephant, so I always remember, but I don’t always know how to ask for them.
Over time, I’ve decided not to loan my books out except to a very select few whom I know are as anal-retentive as I am.
Congratulations on being featured on FP!
I lend books from many friends but I hardly return any
I prefer not to lend books to people who are non-readers. You know, people who visit your home, see the stacks of prints and decide they love reading too and the best place to start is from your collection. Of course, its always a welcome idea to initiate someone to the world of reading but I prefer to gift them a book instead of lending them mine
The question of whether to lend or not has sadly been taken from me after I received a kindle for Christmas! All my books come now in the sterile form of the kindle and I miss the feel of real books, the colors, the fabulous book smell. The possibilities when you enter a bookstore. But…I love lending books and usually don’t expect them back, but if they do come back I am happy!
I’ve become a learned lender. Lend only to those who can take care of the books and to those who lend you! (But always prefer not lending.)
I lent out a favorite book to a questionable person. It came back in a slightly dirty condition. Was definitely not happy, I completely understand people who don’t lend out books I think I’ll join them.
hmmm…haven’t loaned out my kindle…my husband shares his though…
Over time, I’ve become a stingy book giver. Too often, my students have decimated my personal copies of texts, and they are simply too precious to me to loan them out to people I don’t trust. A few friends, sure, but to most, my books are as off limits as the alien tech hidden in Area 51.
i used to lend and am left with almost empty library now. But this days a friend of mine showed me a trick if some one want’s to borrow your book exchange and see how his books are handled and an insurance for your book to return.
I’m a lender, and hope for the book back. Sometimes it gets returned others not. Ive also left my read books in airports, airplanes, bathrooms..etc.
Lending books to other people that might enjoy them is one of the best things about actually buying a book. I don’t expect my books to sit on a shelf and acquire dust; I prefer them to travel to anyone who might read them. Sometimes they will make their way home, sometimes not, but in the end it doesn’t bother me so long as someone reads them. I buy a lot of my books used already, so wear and tear doesn’t bother me.
One of my friends once had a copy of the Catcher in the Rye. She wrote her name on the inside cover, and everyone who borrowed it did the same. Last time we had any idea where the book was, it had migrated to Eastern Europe.
I do lend books, but only ones that I won’t be horribly devastated if I don’t get them back.
Excellent post! I have a veritable library in my home of which I regularly take inventory. I have had good and bad experiences with lending, unfortunately the bad outweighs the good so I don’t as much as I used to. What is more infuriating to me, even more so than books being damaged by careless regard, are those who take the book, keep it for an extended period of time and do not read it, simply because the joy of discussing a book with a friend is becoming an increasingly rare occurence.
For one reason or another, my friends don’t read or don’t read what I have. Case closed, problem solved. lol
This question can become a bit obsessive. 40+ years ago my husband loaned a book to a friend who in turn “loaned” it to his son – that was the end of that. The blue cover Penguin edition of Brighter Than a Thousand Suns was the book. We still talk about the book and that incident. The friend died long ago, we never did have any contact with the son, and as for the book, well we still have an eye out for it whenever we go to Book Fairs or bookstores featuring used books.
I would definitely “pay it forward” – as that what great books are- they are gifts to people… lending a book is definitely a good deed. Now, if we are talking about some rare collector’s edition, well those I would probably keep under lock and key…
I lend my books quite often. most of the times it comes back in good conditions. Only once did I have the case of my book returning completely drenched and dried as if it had just taken a hot bath.
But this has not stopped me lending books to others. But I always tell them to take care of the books when I give them. Most of the time they do.
i say lend! spread the love. obviously an expensive or collectors edition might be an exception, but always pass along a book you love for somebody else to enjoy!
I borrowed a copy of Lolita from a friend and accidentally tore one page. I felt so bad I put off returning it for a long time, I’d always bring out the old “oh sorry I forgot, next time I’ll bring it”. Eventually I gave it back and confessed my actions, friend said “no worries just a book”
http://jectramble.com/
My general policy is that I’ll lend a book out only if in lending it, I’m in a mental place of giving it away and not caring if I ever get it back. Since I usually give books away after I’ve read them (or swap them via paperbackswap.com), that’s not a problem for me… but if you’re worried about getting the book back, that’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll never see it again. If it’s a book that has a permanent place in my library though, I’d only lend it to a trusted friend who I knew would take care of it… and take pains to get it back to me.
Good Question I’ve done it and regretted it more than once. No one takes care of your books like yourself.Nice blog checktodays post by me thanks !!!
I lend books, it is fun to show others a great book and let them read it
I lent my Northern Lights trilogy (Philip Pullman)to a ‘friend’ about two years ago. And even after heaps of prodding and hinting they still haven’t been returned! I have now become a book scrooge, only lending my precious books to the most trustworthy of people!
Oooooh, it depends.
I don’t have many friends that like to read, and those who do, they are like me, they love to buy the books.
But once I landed two books for a friend and it took more than two years to get it back, but i knew they were saved…
I lend, but almost always without any particular expectation of return, because then return is a pleasant surprise.
However, I should confess that while I am a voracious reader, I do not have many expensive and/or long treasured books in my present possession, so when I lend some of my favorites I know I can pick up another copy sans the misery of losing the first.
I’m with Shiru – if I hand it to you it becomes yours whether it’s money, books, dishes, whatever. That way I don’t have to try and keep up with it and bitterness will stay far from me.
Books are extremely expensive, ESPECIALLY here in South Africa. I rely on borrowing books from friends because I cannot afford them all; and so I can’t refuse a friend in need of a book. But I am quite clear that I would like, please, for my book to be treated with respect. I can say that luckily I have never had a serious problem with books returned in poor condition. FORTUNATELY.
Haha! Well yes. I am a very hesitant lender too when it comes to books that are brand new and especially the ones that are bought with my own Pocket money. My friends who are really fond of reading cannot be trusted with my books either. Some people just have strange ways of turning pages.. IT ANNOYS ME WHEN THE PAGE IS FOLDED! FOR GOD SAKE USE A BOOK MARK .. DONT MAKE THE POOR PAGE A BOOK MARK
However, My librarian annoys me when she tells me that some books are not to be touched. I mean..why? Library is public right.. Some librarian cant bear to see their books getting touched.. which is pretty sad!
My copy of “The picture of Dorian Gray” is an untouchable for anyone but me
Polonius:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 75–77 Shakespeare
I learned the hard way not to lend my books when I loaned a younger cousin who was a Straight A high school student a hardcover copy of Wuthering Heights that had been published back in the 1930s. My dad had given me that copy, which he had acquired as a young boy. It was the only thing he gave me and it was full of memories of his youth because he told me the story of how he’d acquired it prior to giving it to me.
My cousin assured me that she would return the book undamaged. When she finally did return it, after many requests from me, the cover was damaged, stained, and partially ripped off what had previously been a mint copy of a lovely classic. When I pointed out the damage, she said that it had been that way when I loaned it to her. Needless to say, I have never loaned another book to her or to anyone and I will not ever do so. When anybody asks, I tell them they are welcome to read the book in my home or office. No takers, so I figure they really don’t want to read those books. I do, occasionally, give a book to someone who truly is interested, however, I keep my copy for myself and my husband and children.
I neither lend books nor borrow books. I want them back too quickly, and I’m *horrible* at giving them back. Ever. So I ask for book recs and then buy my own copy; hey, I’ve always wanted a library completely lined with my own books…
I do sometimes, with people I trust, but less often now after a not-so-close friend dunked one of my favorite books– one from a very small printing– in the toilet. Now I only let fellow book-lovers and people I see frequently borrow them.
I usually don’t buy books. That’s the library’s job
But if I do decide to buy a book (.. Ender’s Game), that book would be too important for me to lend to others. So no, I don’t lend books. That’s the library’s job 
http://hindsightnotes.tumblr.com/
I will lend…if I have to!! There is always the “pre-lend” interview: Do you fold over corners? How long do you think you will need it for?….etc! When I finally do hand over that precious paperback, I actually fill in a ‘library card’ that I keep on my bookshelf (but my friends don’t know this!!) Every so often, I go through the stack of cards and make a casual telephone call to those “borrowers”: Hey…I was just thinking about that book you borrowed of mine. You don’t happen to be done with it yet by chance? Crazy but true! At least I know where my books are?!
I am a proud alligator armed book lending miser! I have thousands and thousands of books and treat each of them like the gems they are. I’ve had some bad experiences lending books in the past (in one instance, a colleague at a job (when I was in my 20s) asked to borrow a photography book (a coffee-table type book) and with great hesitation, I allowed it. I knew she had a hellacious demon 5-year-old kid who was never disciplined and I gingerly asked her to not leave it out). She was offended immediately, but still took the book. Several weeks later she confessed that she had left it out and her son had taken markers and wrote all over the interior pages. NEVER AGAIN, no matter who it is!
Great blog posting and great responses from everyone. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in my miserliness!
It depends on who wants to borrow the book and which book it is. There are some books I own that I will NEVER lend out and then there are some that I would lend out with the hopes of getting it back, but would not be devastated if it wasn’t returned. I think I have to answer,”Yes, I am a book lender.”
so it’s the same everywhere (lol).. some people can be so careless about things they borrow from others (sigh).. i lend books, anyway, but i have the gut to be rude if my book were lost or heavily damaged: i frankly and clearly tell them to buy me a new one haha.. if they have no time or don’t know where to buy it, then i’ll ask them to just give me the money, and i’ll never lend them books again..
I’m not a lender, I’ve learnt the hard way. I lent the first few of my Harry Potter books to my friend (back when they first came out) I thought I’d be safe to lend because she’s a book person like me but I was mistaken.
They came back grubby, corners turned down, stained with sauce. I was aghast and I’m ashamed to admit I went out and brought new copies because I couldn’t live with them. I’ve had books come back that have taken a soaking so now I do not lend. I’m not sure I would even lend a book to my mother.
Wow! I am horrified by that tale of abysmal book borrowing etiquette. I will never lend a book to page-corner folders or spine splitters, nor to persons who’s books have coffee circles on them.
Having said that, I once borrowed a guy’s absolute favourite permaculture book that he had read countless times and it was MINT! Not a fold, tear, smudge or crease, dust jacket immaculate, not even any signs of thumbing on the edges. It was an unnerving experience. I meant to give the book back as soon as possible, but must admit now (too my great embarrassment – hanging head in shame) that I have never given it back … it’s been about 10 years now.
I forget who said it, but recall the phrase “neither a borrower nor a lender be” – was it Dickens, that producer of vast, weighty tomes?
Wow! I am horrified by that tale of abysmal book borrowing etiquette. I will never lend a book to page-corner folders or spine splitters, nor to persons who’s books have coffee circles on them.
Having said that, I once borrowed a guy’s absolute favourite permaculture book that he had read countless times and it was MINT! Not a fold, tear, smudge or crease, dust jacket immaculate, not even any signs of thumbing on the edges. It was an unnerving experience. I meant to give the book back as soon as possible, but must admit now (to my great embarrassment – hanging head in shame) that I have never given it back … it’s been about 10 years now.
I forget who said it, but recall the phrase “neither a borrower nor a lender be” – was it Dickens, that producer of vast, weighty tomes?
Just what i was thinking….Agreed. I hate lending out my books, thankfully the new ebooks let you keep your books in one place and not worry about them getting destroyed or ruined
I did lend a neighbor of mine a book that I really liked so much. Still haven’t gotten it back,it’s been 4 years now.
I also lent a friend back then in high school a book about zodiac signs and still,she hasn’t returned it.Wait! we don’t even speak anymore!
Not only do I happily lend books – but after I’ve read them and enjoyed their company — I give them away — usually to a public library. I never expect my books to come back home after I lend them to someone. I met a man on a plane once who told me that when he finishes a book on the plane, he inscribes his name in the front and what he thought of the book and he leaves it for whomever would like to pick it up and enjoy it. I thought that was a really wonderful idea!
You want to borrow a book from me ? Drop a hundred dollars in my hand, and when the book comes back, you should get the one hundred back.
Depends how much I trust them, and even after that, plead with them to be careful.
I really don’t like people who don’t care about others books. I only lend out my books to trusted people.
I only lend to those who i trust will return my book back to me in the condition it left. There are a couple of people who i swap books with and there are always some great surprises!
There are a couple of books i lent out in my teens that i am still to get back – the hope is lost and new copies bought, those people however are in the black book!
For some of books won’t just give them out no matter who is asking for them.
At scool, someone stole my copy of the Ghostbusters novelisation after I let them borrow it. 20 years later, I’m stil angry about it…
I lend to people I trust – I have an ongoing “open library” policy with a friend of mine who reads 3x as voraciously as I do, and I lend back and forth with one or two other people, too.
But I’m also fiercely protective of my books – I don’t buy a lot of books (a habit leftover from when I was moving every 6mo or so and the boxes of books were just too much to manage), so the ones I have are the ones I want to keep for a long time, and want to keep pristine.
A number of my books have bookplates in the front inscribed with a classic medieval library curse. Just in case.
For one reason or another, my friends don’t read or don’t read what I have. Case closed, problem solved. lol
Ugh. This is right up there with lending albums/vinyl/records. This post makes my stomach curdle. I’m torn on the subject really. Like most I want to share my books (and what is inside of them) but the thought that they go unread and left to rot in the trunk of someones car is hard to think. Ultimately I hope the pages open to someone… Oh great, I just remembered I lent someone a beloved book last week! She admitted to having never opened it!! I feel ill.
I think sharing in general can be challenging at times. (Only child syndrome, anyone?) But still, I think it’s an essential skill, whether it’s books, a dress, or just time. I think we can gain so much more happiness when we think less of ourselves and main of others.
Keep shining,
The Sunny Girl, Lauren Cook
http://www.thesunnygirl.com
I can lend books yet it depends what type of book it is, ie my peter kay autobiographies go as far as my parents and back again, books i dont want but dont want to see them tarnished i will give away to charity book shops with hope that somebody loved and respected their condition as much as i did.
if books are given to me to pass on to anybody that wants them then they go to them in the good/condition i received them.
im very protective of my properties, i like to teach my children and others to respect items of which they receive in the way they receive them and to return them in the same condition
Personally I feel the whole nature of books is that they be passed on. I’ve lent out an unknown number of books over the years and I couldn’t tell you if I’ve ever gotten to many of them back and I’m ok with that, books are travelers.